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ONE SENTENCE HORROR MOVIE REVIEWS

*REVIEW ARCHIVES*

imageThe Trail Of Dracula
One Sentence Review:
'The Trail Of Dracula' (now available on DVD from Severin Films/Intervision) is a pretty comprehensive account of the fictional character's evolution from its roots in primitive, Vampire folklore to becoming a mainstay in modern, Horror cinema and even though this documentary is comprised mostly of interviews with film historians (who have a tendency to be boring as fuck), solid editing mixed with classic movie clips & trailers keeps the pace quick and the overall story interesting.
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      YES

imageThe Curse Of Doctor Wolfenstein
One Sentence Review:
If you're searching for a finely polished, innovative Slasher film, you better keep looking but if you want to see a raw, German splatter-fest with more gore than storyline (how many gratuitous, machete head-shots are too many? ...it's a trick question, there can't possibly be too many) then check out 'The Curse of Doctor Wolfenstein' (available in an awesome Blu-ray/DVD combo from ReelGore Releasing).
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      YES

imageKillbillies
One Sentence Review:
Don't be fooled by the horrendous marketing for this movie (the original title, 'Idila' was changed to 'Killbillies'(?) for its US release and the tagline: "The hills are alive with the sound of slaughter" was added. ... fucking painful!), 'Killbillies' (available on DVD from Artsploitation Films) isn't some over-the-top, goofball Horror-Comedy, it's actually quite serious & brutal and while there's nothing really groundbreaking about it (other than the fact that it's Slovenia's first attempt at a Horror film), it does have some unique Eastern European touches (an overall bleak tone that favors tension building over non-stop action and a not so subtle commentary about the evils of alcohol) that elevate it beyond the level of run-of-the-mill, Hillbilly-Horror to something a little more intriguing.
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      YES

imageFrancesca
One Sentence Review:
The second I discover that a movie is a 'tribute' to a past era or style of filmmaking, it immediately falls from the standard starting position of 0 to somewhere around -1000 on my quality ranking scale and that's because imitating other people's work is a lazy form of creativity that's done by individuals who lack their own vision and those type of artists rarely produce anything of any merit so with that, I present to you, exhibit-A, the faux-giallo, 'Francesca' (available in a limited collectors edition from MVD visual) - with nothing but the boldest of determination, I entered into this film set on judging it as if it were an actual 70's Giallo but sadly, I was instantly sucked back into reality by its inept attempt at appearing 'vintage' (was the color correction done on Logitech webcam software?) so even though the storyline wasn't terrible, overall, this homage is more of an insult to the masters of Italian, horror cinema than a memorial.
Would I Watch It?
image      NO
Would I Buy It?
image      NO

image3 All Hallows Eve
One Sentence Review:
I love a good Horror anthology and I was holding out hope that '3 All Hallows Eve' (available on DVD from Bayview Entertainment) might possibly be one despite its terribly cheap outward appearance but sadly, it definitely is not and you would think that the piss-poor production values (bad sound mix, bad acting, bad FX, bad lighting, bad editing, bad costume design etc) of this film would be the catalyst that caused my mind to slowly begin wandering to things like, "I really should steam-clean this area rug." and "My eyes hurt when I look straight upward, is that normal?" but they weren't, it was the uninspired script full of stale, rehashed stories that did it ... now excuse me, I need to price steam-cleaner rentals.
Would I Watch It?
image      NO
Who I Buy It?
image      NO

imageAlienween
One Sentence Review:
Here's the question: is 'Alienween'  (available on DVD from Bayview Entertainment) good and the answer is, no ... well, parts of it are amazing, yes ... I mean, overall, it's very ... fuck, I don't know ... my opinion lies somewhere between pure shit & pure genius and I still haven't decided which one I'm going with but I'll tell you this, it's combination of gooey gore FX, off-the-wall cinematography and stylized lighting were batshit-fucking-crazy enough to keep my eyes riveted to the screen and my head continually shaking in disbelief for its entire 90 minute runtime. 
(Is it good? ... you tell me!)
Would I Watch it?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      YES

imageAnd Hell Awaits
One Sentence Review:
Daniel Falicki & Warren Croyle are fearless, indie filmmakers; unconcerned with & unrestrained by generic Hollywood script templates, this Writer/Director/Actor/Producer team are quietly cranking out some of the most intriguing & intelligent low budget Horror available today (watch Accidental Exorcist) and they continue that trend with 'And Hell Awaits' (available now from Bayview Entertainment) - shot mostly in one room with very little dialogue, this film slowly unveils itself through the unsettling, physical acting of Jeffrey Goodrich and its raw, communicative cinematography - you may not instantly understand what you're seeing but you won't want to look away either.
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      YES

imageSubterranea
One Sentence Review:
'Subterranea' (available on DVD from MVD Visual) is being marketed as a Sci-fi/Thriller and it is, in reality, neither, it's mostly just a Drama/Mystery that takes place in modern times with no real science involved at all but if you can look beyond that (and the stupid title) you might find yourself completely captivated by this slowly paced but beautifully produced, fish-out-of-water (and the woman who tries to save him ... with her vagina) love story that isn't afraid to nut-up and splash some blood, when necessary, to add a sense of gritty realism. 
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      YES

imageA House Is Not A Home
One Sentence Review:
The thought of moving into a house that's haunted by Richard Grieco's ghost is truly terrifying indeed (I picture bandannas, hair gel & Affliction t-shirts strewn about EVERYWHERE!) but sadly, the filmmakers responsible for making 'A House Is Not A Home' (available on DVD September 27th from MVD Visual) weren't able to capitalize on this obvious and bone chilling plot point so instead of the himbo version of The Conjuring, we're left with this poorly produced, played-out, gateway-to-Hell film that's marred by its bad casting, awful SFX, horrible sound mixing and... dammit, there's not ONE spectral, Harley Davidson anywhere to be seen! 
Would I Watch It?
image      NO
Would I Buy It?
image      NO

imageMeat
One Sentence Review:
If I were to tell you that this film is loaded with nudity, suicide, gore and even a sexy, salty golden shower pissing scene you would probably instantly rush to get the most readily available copy to see it for yourself but unfortunately, that path would be ripe for disappointment because 'Meat' (available September 20th on DVD/VOD from Artsploitation Films) is more of an arthouse, snoozer than my previous description would lend you to believe and spends most of its 75 minute runtime lethargically meandering through one slowly paced, cryptic scene after another (all accompanied by an truly awful soundtrack) as it tells its cautionary tale  against the eating of meat or maybe, the evils that sexual desires can produce or ... well, its intent is never made very clear but by the end, I assure you, you won't fucking care! 
Would I Watch It?
image      NO
Would I Buy it?
image      NO

imageMai-chan's Daily Life The Movie: Bloody Carnal Residence
One Sentence Review:
As a society, the Japanese people aren't shy about exploring their fetishes through various artistic mediums which is pretty shocking for such a reserved culture but I guess the more human emotions are repressed, the bigger the explosion when they are finally released and in Japan's case, the result is some of the most fucked-up & depraved kinks the world has ever witnessed (google, 'tentacle hentai') and that includes this film, 'Mai-chan's Daily Life: The Movie' (available on DVD/Blu-ray from Kino Lorber/Redemption Film September 20th) - with a storyline that's based upon a popular and equally bloody manga series, this movie is as perverted, gory & twisted as anything thing you will ever see and needs to be viewed based solely upon the 'What-the-fuck?' factor alone ... viva la Japanese stoicism!
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      YES

imageDer Bunker
One Sentence Review:
Sometimes it's not easy to determine if a movie falls into the Horror genre so I generally use this simple rule; if I dreamt the storyline, would I consider it disturbing enough to call it a nightmare and by those parameters, I assure you, that spending a night in the twisted world of 'Der Bunker' (available on DVD/Blu-ray from Artsploitation Films) would guarantee, at least, a sleepless half hour of uneasy contemplation upon awakening - set in a frozen desolate location, this film plays out like a combination of The Miracle Worker and David Lynch's Twin Peaks ... challenging, sweet, inspirational and totally off its fucking nut.
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy it?
image      YES

imageObservance
One Sentence Review:
'Observance' (available on DVD/Blu-ray from Artsploitation Films) is indie-Horror at its best; no fast-cut action scenes, no dumbed-down, over-explained script geared to appeal to the masses, just a slow burning, understated intelligent storyline that subtly peels back the layers, at its own pace and disregards the trappings of Hollywood's standard, paint-by-numbers film structure and in turn shows us an alternative viewpoint of a heavily used subgenre that makes it feel fresh and new again.
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      YES

imageThe Perfect Husband
One Sentence Review:
'The Perfect Husband' (releasing 7/26 from Artsploitation Films) isn't bad, once it gets rolling and people start loosing appendages but I hope you're in no hurry or have ADHD because it's not until more than halfway through the movie and the first half, while it is pretty well done, is too slowly paced, too drama driven and lacking adequate tension build up to flow well with the explosive and violent finale.
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      NO

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imageRay Harryhausen: Special Effects Titan
One Sentence Review:
Originally, I set out to review Arrow Video's release of 'Ray Harryhausen: Special Effects Titan' based on the quality of the blu-ray itself but I became so engrossed in watching this amazing, 97 minute documentary that a simple summary of the disc specs seemed far too inadequate  - with an insane line up of Hollywood juggernauts (SpielbergDel ToroCameronJackson etc) all singing the praises of stop motion FX master, Ray Harryhausen this documentary really drives home what a tremendous and long lasting impact he has had on the industry and illustrates the reason why this is true ... it's because, through an immense imagination, a meticulous attention to detail and the passion of an artist, he was able to breath a life into his inanimate creations that is capable of transcending beyond the movie screen and affixing itself permanently in the hearts & minds of the viewers and that is why he effected so many filmmakers and why he will never be forgotten.
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      YES

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imageAccidental Exorcist
One Sentence Review:
You are not likely to see set design more poorly done on a modern day motion picture than that of 'Accidental Exorcist' (a can of matte, black spray paint isn't the answer to every situation ... just sayin') and some of the acting shows signs of real-life possession(like a terrible actor took control of a talented host body and forced it to give a crap performance) but if you can strap on your indie-horror blinders (sometimes, you will find hidden treasures with those things on ... but mostly not) for 105 minutes, you might be surprised by how captivating this film becomes as it takes a completely played-out sub-genre and turns it on its ass - picture if the script for The Exorcist had been cranked out on the filthy, nicotine-stained typewriter of a boozed-up Charles Bukowski ... yeah, that's right, soulful, bizarre and totally fucking awesome!  
(stay tuned to Gravitas Ventures for the official release date)
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      YES

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imageGreen Room
One Sentence Review:
I love Survival-Horror and I'm also a long time fan of Punk music so, for me, the merging of the two is like someone, out of the blue, handing me a triple-decker, fluffernutter & banana sandwich with the crust cut off and saying, "Eat up, enjoy!" -  as anyone who's ever even remotely been around the Punk scene can attest, most movies regarding the subject are typically imprecise and more often than not, just plain insulting so for Writer/Director, Jeremy Saulnier to accurately portray the vibe of a young, touring Punk band and their daily struggles is quite an accomplishment in itself but wait, there's more, he also seamlessly plants them squarely in a tense, wrong place-wrong time, cat n' mouse, survival situation where no one is safe, not everyone is who you think they are and things get balls to the wall, brick-shitting crazy ... long live Punk, indie films and Jeremy fucking Saulnier!
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      YES

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imageMurder Party
One Sentence TBT Review:
If you love Green Room (and you should), do yourself a favorite and hit up the rest of Director, Jeremy Saulnier's catalog of films (like I did, all in one weekend) because every one is amazing, in its own way, including the feature that started it all, 'Murder Party' - a gory, Halloween themed Horror-Comedy, this movie (shot by a group of friends for very little money) is as darkly hilarious as it is ripe with social commentary and it's a great example of how indie cinema doesn't have to be terrible just because it's produced on a small budget.
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      YES

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imageSacrifice 
One Sentence Review:
'Sacrifice' is a well produced and very watchable murder mystery (with a twist of 'pagan cult' thrown in to appease us Horror freaks) but overall, this film's storyline is the benign, predictable sort that you would expect to see on primetime network television and it lacks any memorable aspects (or balls!) that would set it apart as being anything special.
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      NO

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imageBite
One Sentence Review:
'Bite' definitely has some gooey, gross-out moments that are not easily forgotten if you don't mind waiting a while to see them (it takes more than half of the movie before the blood & slime really starts oozing) but that doesn't bother me as much as the film's total failure to establish or follow any consistent creature rules which results in a confusing hodgepod of biological characteristics and behavior that left me scratching my head even after a second viewing.
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      NO

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image#1 Serial Killer
One Sentence Review:
Director, Stanley Yung & Writer, Koji Steven Sakai do an admirable job of taking the audience into the twisted world of a budding serial killer and while what they achieved on a micro budget is impressive, they did themselves (and us) a disservice by closing the film (available on VOD from Indican Pictures) with an unrealistic, cliche ending that partially castrates (like, one testicle while slightly nicking the other) the edginess of the rest of the movie. 
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      NO

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imageThe Forest
One Sentence Review:
Japan's Aokigahara suicide forest would make an amazing backdrop for a really top-notch, supernatural Horror film ... but until that gets made, here's big-shot Producer, David S. Goyer's shitty version.
Would I Watch It?
image      NO
Would I Buy It?
image      NO

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imageDarling
One Sentence Review:
'Darling' is Arthouse-Horror at its best; slow-burning & thought provoking with a heavy emphasis on meaningful cinematography and acting performances (Lauren Ashley Carter is amazing) instead of focusing on an elaborate storyline full of narration so, while this movie is definitely not for everyone, fans of cinema and classic filmmaking are in for a treat that will have them riveted to the screen.
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      YES

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imageThe Invitation
One Sentence Review:
Driven by a powerhouse performance from Logan Marshall-Green, 'The Invitation' skillfully uses random, peculiar moments; ambiguous scenes that border between the rational & full blown insanity, accompanied by a simple but unsettling, minimalist soundtrack to keep the audience off balance and the tension at near painful levels before exploding in a truly unforgettable release of blood & violence at the end - a strong contender for the best Horror film of 2016.
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      YES

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imageHolidays
One Sentence Review:
While there are no completely bad segments in the multi-seasonal anthology, 'Holidays', there are a couple moments of lameness (St. Patrick's Day) that standout glaringly against the really great parts (Father's Day) but as a whole, this eclectic collection of stories, created by a diverse group of filmmakers (whose experience ranges from Hollywood blockbusters to first time Directors), works well together and it finally gives us Horror fans something cool to watch even on the most painful of the corporate created days of celebration.
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      YES

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imageHush
One Sentence Review:
It feels like we have recently reached a point in Horror cinema where some pretty average flicks (The VVitch) are unjustly receiving a massive amount of internet buzz (the source of which is still a mystery but I believe that it's coming from the uneducated youth who aren't aware that, stylistically, these movies have been done before) so with that being said, let me introduce to you the latest in a long line of undeserving inter-web darlings, 'Hush' - following the standard, formulaic rules of Home Invasion-Horror (that began being written in the 20's with movies like The Bat ... nothing new, kids) this film isn't without its moments of greatness but ultimately, its played-out storyline and odd choices (like the ultra-lame scenes of the victim receiving advice from her dead mother) overshadow the positives and toss it directly into the category of mediocre but somehow still highly regarded.
(FYI, just because it's free on Netflix, doesn't make it great)
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      NO

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imageDeath Walks On High Heels
One Sentence TBT Review:
With more twists n' turns than Italy's Stelvio Pass, 'Death Walks On High Heels' (available in Arrow Video's Death Walks Twice box set) is a masterfully written/directed (Maestros, Ernesto Gastaldi & Luciano Ercoli, respectively) 70's Giallo where the leather is as tight & black as the stilettos are chromed & bloodied and the killer's identity continues to change, right down to the last few minutes of the film - it has everything that an Italian genre fan could ever want and more.
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      YES

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imageThey're Watching
One Sentence Review:
If 'They're Watching' were a person, I would punch it in the face for reeling me in and getting my hopes high with its interesting storyline (that contains a great combination of humor, creepiness & suspense) and then ruthlessly dashing said hopes against a CGI rock within the last 7 minutes when the film erupts into a colossal Dog-Baby of bad visual FX and over-the-top stupidity - fuck you, movie ... we better not cross paths again!
Would I Watch It?
image      NO
Would I Buy It?
image      NO

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imageKrampus
One Sentence Review:
On the quality ranking scale, if Michael Dougherty's other holiday-horror flick, Trick 'r Treat is a must-watch every year at Halloween time then, his latest seasonal movie, 'Krampus' rates as one that can probably be skipped for a few years until, maybe, you get sick of watching all the great X-mas-horror that already exists - a jumbled bag of mostly derivative ideas, this film begins with a less funny, more boring, homage to Christmas Vacation then smoothly transitions into a cutesy (too much so for my adult taste) tribute to Gremlins and ultimately finds its own balls with a dark, bleak ending which is enjoyable but doesn't fit with the tone of the rest of the story.
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      NO

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imagePandemic
One Sentence Review:
The world needs more Zombie-Action films ... just joking - shot mostly in shaky-cam, POV (which looks kinda cool sometimes but mostly it's just annoying & hard to follow), 'Pandemic' doesn't reinvent the zombie-wheel (if anything it steals some spokes - like scenes straight out of REC) but the movie does have moments of interest and the production values are high so there are much worse ways to kill 90 minutes while you're waiting for 'Resident Evil 6: The Mega-Final Afterlife Extinction Chapter' to be released.
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      NO

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imageThe Witch Who Came 
From The Sea
One Sentence TBT Review:
'The Witch Who Came From The Sea' (available in Arrow Videos' American Horror Project: Volume 1 box set) was, I'll assume, inspiration for the Rape-Revenge films that would follow it because while it doesn't quite use the stereotypical guidelines of its successors, the seeds are clearly there to be recognized; similar to spotting a Giallo's influence on the Slasher subgenre so this wonderfully bizarre and significant piece of 70's filmmaking is a movie that all Horror fans should see, at least once, just so they know where some of their favorite modern films came from.
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      YES

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imageSmothered
One Sentence Review:
'Smothered' (on VOD from Indican Pictures) is a Horror-Con-Movie, there's no denying it (shit, even Writer/Director, John Schneider is part of the Con scene) but despite all outward appearances (which would indicate that it's going to suck harder than a crack-whore jonesing for a fix), the movie is pretty competently produced and somewhat watchable however its combination of poorly written (and delivered) dialogue along with the awkward mix of goofball comedy & dark subject matter quickly becomes tiresome - just like seeing the same actors over & over again at every Horror Convention or together in movies such as this one.
Would I Watch It?
image      NO
Would I Buy It?
image      NO

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imageSome Kind Of Hate
One Sentence Review:
*Disclaimer: I love ghost movies (it's probably my favorite sub-genre) but I also have a very strong hatred toward the variety that give spirits the ability to walk around as physical beings; interacting with people in the living world like flesh & blood humans (Ghost Story) - sorry, unless it is handled extremely well (The Shining), I just think it's fucking stupid and when I see it on screen, my brain retreats into its safe-place where all the happy memories of watching good, supernatural-horror reside so maybe 'Some Kind Of Hate' is a decent flick, I don't know, I was too busy replaying The Changeling in my head to notice.
Would I Watch It?
image      NO
Would I Buy It?
image      NO

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imageBaskin
One Sentence Review:
In true Hipster fashion, I've been a huge fan of Turkish-Horror (or T-Horror, if you're super Hipster) since day one ... that is to say, beginning today because, for most of us, it just started with the US release of 'Baskin' (Naciye and Deccal are soon to follow which will hopefully lead to some of their older releases becoming available ... yes, there's more) and I couldn't be more ecstatic (or snobby) about it - for his first feature length movie (a remake of his 2013 short film of the same title), Writer/Director, Can Evrenol takes us on a beautifully gory & mind-bendingly cryptic trip into the bowels of Hell and while the film is mostly short on any coherent storyline, the gorgeous Cinematography and Art Design makes me excited to see his future projects and the evolution of Turkish-Horror in general.
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      YES

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imageThe Channel
One Sentence Review:
I'm not sure how Kristen StephensonPino got cast as the lead in 'The Channel' (available on VOD from Indican Pictures) but her lethargic, wooden performance (like a narcoleptic on Oxycontin) is only one of the myriad of issues (terrible lighting, awful CGI FX etc, etc) that hamper this film and it's a shame because with a premise as promising as, 'evil hiding in our peripheral vision', the opportunities to make a really terrifying, indie Demon movie are nearly limitless.
(UPDATE: upon further research, I found that Kristen StephensonPino is given credit as an Associate Producer AND for CASTING this film ... I guess the mystery is solved!)
Would I Watch It?
image      NO
Would I Buy It?
image      NO

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imageThe Girl In The Photographs
One Sentence Review:
Wes Craven (RIP) was, without a doubt, one of the most influential Directors in Horror history however he didn't have the greatest track record as an Executive Producer, to put it bluntly, most of his output was pure asshole-squeezin's so it makes me extremely happy that he left this world, and his filmography, on a high note with his very last production, 'The Girl In The Photographs' - a near perfect blend of solid lead characters (Kal Penn plays a hilarious, douchebag photographer), interesting storyline and brutal, unpredictable kills, this Slasher film is truly a worthy addition to the Craven legacy.
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      YES

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image13 Cameras
One Sentence Review:
Other than a near dog-baby ending (an awkward tonal shift in the last seconds that leaves the film on kind of a goofy note), '13 Cameras' (releasing from Gravitas Ventures on April 15th) is balls-to-wall creepy - the combination of an amazing, nightmare-inducing performance from Neville Archambault (so good, that I swear I could smell his "dirty diaper" odor through the screen), strong character development and skillful tension building equates to one of the best Voyeur-Horror movies that I've seen in years.
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      YES

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imageMalatesta's Carnival Of Blood
One Sentence TBT Review:
I feel like, being lost for 30 years hasn't helped the critical response to this film because that missing time erases the advantages of the nostalgia-factor ("I saw it when I was 15 and it scared the shit out of me.") that many older movies have, giving them an instant pass from aging Horror fans (it's ok, we're all guilty of it) so watching 'Malatesta's Carnival Of Blood' (available on Blu-ray/DVD in Arrow Video's American Horror Project: Vol. 1 boxset) for the first time, as an adult, leaves a lot to be desired - poorly produced, badly acted and ill-conceived, MCOB has all the appeal of a 70's porno that's been edited to exclude all of the hairy, sex scenes.
Would I Watch It?
image      NO
Would I Buy It?
image      NO

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imageThe Glass Man
One Sentence Review:
Weighing in at a bloated 108 minutes, 'The Glass Man' (available on DVD from Indican Pictures) is one of those flicks that would have benefited from some serious fat trimming - don't get me wrong, I enjoyed the film, it's a compelling, high caliber, indie production with an amazing cast (shit, even Neve Campbell is great) and an intelligent script but it would've had a much bigger impact and been more memorable if it were edited down to keep the story moving at a faster pace while also tightening up the shocking plot twists that take place in the last half of the movie.
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      NO

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imageBleed
One Sentence Review:
The storyline of 'Bleed' (available on VOD from Gravitas Ventures) goes off in a lot of different directions, which is fine given that, when all the parts are finally combined, they form a cohesive narrative but unfortunately, while it is a decently produced and mildly entertaining film, this never happens and we're simply left with a jumble of sub-plots and key questions frustratingly unresolved at the end.
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      NO

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imageWindsor Drive
One Sentence Review:
If you removed all of the footage that was repeated over and over again (at times replaying upside down, in reverse & sometimes both - are you kidding me?!?), Windsor Drive (on DVD from Indican Pictures) would be around five minutes long but that's kinda what you would expect from a L.A. based movie with characters named: River, Jordana, Ivy & Wulfric - it's pretentious, nonsensical & completely dull.
Would I Watch It?
image      NO
Would I Buy It?
image      NO

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imageThe Red Headed Corpse
One Sentence TBT Review:
A formerly out-of-print (not counting crappy DVD-R copies) and often overlooked Giallo, 'The Red Headed Corpse' (now available on DVD from Bayview Entertainment - a double feature disc that also includes The Embalmer) uses an intricate series of flashback scenes mixed with present day to weave a slow paced but intriguing storyline that has enough bizarre twists & turns to keep you guessing until the surprising final reveal.
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      YES

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imageDeadly Famous
One Sentence Review:
This film's use of the serial killer/found footage format isn't anything innovative, as a Horror fan you've seen it before (The Last Horror Movie is a great example) but what makes 'Deadly Famous' (available now from Indican Pictures) standout from the others is the successful fusion of murderous insanity with dark humor and it's mostly thanks to the amazing performance of Daniel O'Meara who chews up the scenery like a man possessed while seamlessly shifting gears from being simply drunk & eccentric to full blown psychotic.
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      YES

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image10 Cloverfield Lane
One Sentence Review:
This film dog-babys so hard at the end that I began to suspect some Hollywood, tom-fuckery had occurred during its production and after a bit of online research, I discovered that the original script (written by Josh Campbell & Matt Steucken), called 'The Cellar', was purchased by Bad Robot (scum-weasel JJ Abrams production company) and began its pre-production as an indie-Thriller entitled 'Valencia' (with John Goodman, Mary Elizabeth Winstead & John Gallagher Jr. attached) when some greedy douchebag realized that by changing the name to '10 Cloverfield Lane', slapping on a few extremely vague references to the original movie (Cloverfield 2008)
along with a cringe-inducingly out of place Action/Sci-fi ending (and sequel setup), their $5 million thriller could go from VOD obscurity to grossing $25 million in its opening weekend ... and I'm calling BULLSHIT!!
Would I Watch It?
image      NO
Would I Buy It?
image      NO

image


imageSilent Retreat
One Sentence Review:
At a little over an hour into 'Silent Retreat' my brain had been lulled into a waking dream state where I was completely conscience of the movie playing but at the same time I had started mentally organizing my sock drawer as a more entertaining alternative to the boring storyline unfolding before my weary eyes, when suddenly, with the snap of a bear trap (a pretty great kill scene), I was pulled back into the film again and it got kinda good and ultimately ended with a decent twist but, fuck me, was it ever painful getting to that last 30 minutes.
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      NO

image


imageLavalantula
One Sentence Review:
Just when the work of Writer/Director, Mike Mendez appeared to be on an upswing (The Gravedancers, Big Ass Spider! & Tales of Halloween in succession) and it seemed like he'd actually developed some filmmaking chops, he busts out this toilet bowl floater and instantly teleports his career back to the mid-90's when he was cranking out shit movies like, Bimbo Movie Bash & The Convent (which he's currently making a sequel to ... really?!?) - what a shame.
Would I Watch It?
image      NO
Would I Buy It?
image      NO

image


imageThe Sideways Light
One Sentence Review:
Alzheimer's is such a terrifying disease that it has become the subject of several recent Horror movies (The Taking Of Deborah Logan is a must see) including this impressive, first time feature film from Writer/Director, Jennifer Harlow - mostly focusing on the drama of a young woman struggling with the day-to-day care of her demented mother while keeping all the paranormal aspects of the story as ambiguous as possible, 'The Sideways Light' (now on VOD from Indican Pictures) is a thought provoking, indie production that stands out with its fresh approach to the genre. 
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      YES

image


imageDeathgasm
One Sentence Review:
'Deathgasm' is a pretty standard Survival-Horror-Comedy with no real surprises, if you've ever seen one before, but what makes it standout from the others is the badass fusion of Horror & Metal music (along with a really killer soundtrack!) which is a perfect, but shockingly underused, combination (Metal & Horror goes together like black denim & back patches) that's sure to bring a smile to your wicked face even if the formulaic storyline doesn't.
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      YES

image


image666: A Demon Within
One Sentence Review:
 '666: A Demon Within' (coming to DVD from Bayview Entertainment on March 8th) isn't all terrible, the female serial killer storyline is fairly compelling but when the background sound of a film is a non-stop fluctuation between harsh, hissing white noise and dead silence, all other factors become irrelevant and much like the filmmakers involved in this production, I stop caring.
Would I Watch It?
image      NO
Would I Buy It?
image      NO

image


imageLa Petite Mort 
imageLa Petite Mort 2: The Nasty Tapes
One Sentence Review:
Marcel Walz' 'La Petite Mort' series (parts 1 & 2 are being released for the first time in the US by Bayview Entertainment on March 29th) isn't going to blow you away with its elaborate storytelling but what you will get is an intense, splatter driven riff on the Hostel 'pay to kill' theme that stands apart from other low budget torture films with better production values, competent acting and bizarre characters that help to keep all of the brutal gore scenes interesting.
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      YES

image


imageRows
One Sentence Review:
I can see where Writer/Director, David W. Warfield was trying to go with the storyline of 'Rows' and it may have been an interesting idea but the translation to script form is the film equivalent of watching someone ineptly attempting to solve a Rubix Cube for 84 minutes - confusing, redundant and wholly unentertaining.
Would I Watch It?
image      NO
Would I Buy It?
image      NO

image


imageThe Boy
One Sentence Review:
Unlike a lot of people, I don't have an issue with PG13  Horror (with exception of the teenage audiences that go to see them - they're the fucking worst!) because, in my opinion, when in the right hands, it can be just as impactful as an R-rated movie and such is the case with 'The Boy' - helmed by, one of my favorite up & coming Directors, William Brent Bell, this film uses the atmosphere of a creepy, old Victorian mansion along with an even creepier porcelain doll design to set the tone for a storyline that may seem cookie-cutter & generic at first but then takes a direction that you won't see coming at the end.
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      YES

image


imageThe VVitch
One Sentence Review:
Don't believe the hype - 'The VVitch' isn't the best Horror movie ever made, it's not even the best Witch movie that's been released and the film really isn't frightening or shocking (maybe to middle-american christians who still believe that satan will blight their crops if they touch their privates in the wrong way) but what it actually is, here in the real world where some of us Horror fans live, is a finely crafted, extremely slow building arthouse, love letter to the Witch subgenre that is beautiful to watch but never pushes the boundaries in any way that would make it standout as something truly unforgettable - it's good, not great.
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      YES

image


imageBlack Mountain Side
One Sentence Review:
Canadian Writer/Director, Nick Szostakiwskyj isn't winning any points for originality with 'Black Mountain Side', the story and tone are bit too reminiscent of indie legend, Larry Fessenden's work (and a bit of John Carpenter's, as well) but for his first attempt at a Horror feature, this film is a quality production that skillfully balances its slow burning tension with brutal gore scenes while using the oppressive, frozen location to create a feeling of isolation & despair.
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      YES

image


imageFrankenstein
One Sentence TBT Review:
If you're looking to see the most commonly known version of the Frankenstein story (involving a Karloff-esque, shambling brute with the mind of a child) then this Hallmark mini-series (recently released for the first time on Blu-ray by Mill Creek Entertainment) will be a huge disappointment because it's not the "Frankenstein" that was made famous by Universal Studios & Hammer Films instead it's a wonderfully produced, very accurate adaptation of Mary Shelley's tragic novel Frankenstein; or, The Modern Prometheus and it's a must see for fans of the original story.
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      YES

image


imageJeruzalem 
One Sentence Review:
Unfortunately for the Paz brothers (the Writer/Director team of, Doron & Yoav), telling their story with a visually stunning backdrop like the city of Jerusalem was just a waste of an amazing location and did nothing to negate the fact that their movie is, at best, a subpar found-footage film and at worst, a mishmashed ripoff of much better flicks like Cloverfield, Diary Of The Dead, End Of The Line and the list goes on & on.
Would I Watch It?
image      NO
Would I Buy It?
image      NO

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imageNina Forever
One Sentence Review:
'Nina Forever' has a fair share of nudity & sex in it but all the hot, Ménage à trois action in the world couldn't compensate for the state of suicidal hopelessness that's invoked by watching the rest of the film as it delves into the painfully boring, melodramatic relationship of the three dull, generally unlikable, main characters one of whom just happens to be dead but that doesn't make the story any more interesting or entertaining.
Would I Watch It?
image      NO
Would I Buy It?
image      NO

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imageThe House On Pine Street
One Sentence Review:
I definitely respect the Keeling brother's (Austin & Aaron) approach to filmmaking, 'The House On Pine Street' takes its time building the suspense and doesn't pander to the typical cookie-cutter story outline that is required by the Hollywood suits but, with that being said, their film suffers from bad editing (rule #1: don't edit your own movie) - clocking in at almost two hours, there's a lot of fat that could have been trimmed that would have moved the story along better and kept it more interesting so while I am looking forward to their future projects, this one needs some work.
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      NO

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imageDementia
One Sentence Review:
'Dementia' is a quality production with a good cast so it's not a bad watch but overall, the movie feels like it's rushing through the story and not taking time to truly capitalize on a premise that is ripe with opportunities for tension building and because of that, the shocking plot twists at the end of the film fail to pack the punch that they potentially could've had.
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      NO

image


imageSouthbound
One Sentence Review:
After hearing about the all-star line up of indie filmmakers involved in the making of 'Southbound', I knew that, barring say, a last minute take over of the production by Lloyd Kaufman (or something equally cataclysmic), this anthology would be amazing and my confidence was not unjustified - accompanied by an incredible old-school, synth score by The Gifted, this film's five interlocking segments weave together like a bizarre waking nightmare in a desolate dessert purgatory where sinning is encouraged but never goes unpunished - a must see!
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      YES

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imageRed Krokodil
One Sentence Review:
I'm all for Arthouse films, I don't need every plot point spelled out for me like I have the intellect of a two year old and I am not one that requires non-stop action to sooth my ADHD but watching some pathetic, loser shooting drugs & hallucinating while stumbling around his filthy apartment in his shit stained tighty-whities (if you're lucky ... copious amounts of dangling cock & man-ass=artistic, apparently?) for 80 minutes isn't entertaining, enlightening or at all necessary.
Would I Watch It?
image      NO
Would I Buy It?
image      NO

image


imageE.N.D.
One Sentence Review:
When a Zombie film is built around a ridiculous premise that involves bad cocaine killing the living and turning them into flesh eating undead (and also resurrecting the already dead, somehow?!?) there better be a really talented cast & crew that's capable of turning that shit into gold but unfortunately, for my tortured eyeballs, the filmmakers involved in making 'E.N.D.' were only able to take that existing shit and add more shit (shit=boring action with horrendous FX & ugh ... talking Zombies) to it until the shit pile was so high that it filled my projector screen and that shit, my friends, leaves me in a shitty fucking mood.
Would I Watch It?
image      NO
Would I Buy It?
image      NO

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imageWe Are Monsters
One Sentence Review:
If you want to gauge the effectiveness of a rape/revenge film, just watch it with a woman because they take that shit personally and if the movie is well made, you can literally witness their physical and audible response to the action as they project themselves into the role of the lead character, agonizing & celebrating along with her and I can attest, after watching 'We Are Monsters' (a gritty homage to classic movies like 'I Spit On Your Grave' and Thriller) with my wife (who is still talking about it today), that it is, without a doubt, one of the best of its kind to be released in quite some time.
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      YES

image


imagePlague
One Sentence Review:
OK, I know that I say this all of the time (is no one listening?!?) but it bears repeating, especially in this case, I'm gonna need at least one likable character to follow in a film in order for me to enjoy it - I understand that humanity is complex and nothing is black & white and that there are no truly good or truly evil people in this world full of shades of gray but in a movie like 'Plague', the writer's attempt at portraying this human complexity only resulted in building levels of frustration, anger & indifference for myself as a viewer and no matter how slick the production value is, this fatal flaw in script writing will kill a movie every time.
Would I Watch It?
image      NO
Would I Buy It?
image      NO

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imageThe Uncanny
One Sentence TBT Review:
With a line-up of actors like Peter Cushing, Ray Milland & Donald Pleasence, even the worst script in the hands of the shittiest filmmakers is going to rise above the rest by the shear power of classiness alone and while 'The Uncanny' does kinda have a goofy premise, this cat based anthology is still able to turn in some solid segments that may have you taking a much harder look at your favorite feline.
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      YES

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imageThe Abandoned
One Sentence Review:
DOG-BABIED!!!
Would I Watch It?
image      NO
Would I Buy It?
image      NO

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imageIntruders
One Sentence Review:
'Intruders' starts out fairly strong (although, I'm getting tired of Agoraphobia themed Horror movies) and works in a solid plot twist that most won't see coming (unless you watch the trailer which spoils it ... GAY!), along with some gorgeous, gooey gore FX but despite all that promise, my enthusiasm faded faster than an Agoraphobic trying to check their mailbox once it became apparent that there is a serious lack of likable characters to root for in this film and then the insulting 'too quick-too neatly packaged' ending only served to confirm my suspicions that this is not a very good movie.
Would I Watch It?
image      NO
Would I Buy It?
image      NO

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imageAxe Giant: The Wrath Of Paul Bunyan
One Sentence TBT Review:
Stop me if you've seen this before, a group of teens go into the woods on a ...sigh... trust me you've seen it before - with a combination of terrible CGI & equally terrible practical FX to drive the formulaic, 'Introduction to Horror script writing 101' level storyline, 'Axe' stinks more than the inside of a goofy-looking, foam rubber Paul Bunyan suit after six weeks of filming.
Would I Watch It?
image      NO
Would I Buy It?
image      NO

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imageOver Your Dead Body
One Sentence Review:
There are three things to know when going into a Takashi Miike Horror film; it will be visually stunning to watch, the storyline will be bizarre & challenging (you better pay attention) and there will be blood, count on it and I'm happy to report that his latest work, 'Over Your Dead Body', fits perfectly into those standard Miike guidelines - based on the Kabuki play, Yotsuya Kaidan, OYDB masterfully intertwines a stage show performance of said play with the real world lives of the actors to create an amazing, slow-burning, modern twist on the classic Japanese ghost story.
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      YES

image


imageRazorback
One Sentence TBT Review:
Part Moby Dick, part Wolf Creek with a twist of Mad Max (do I need to say it?... the original... the good one) thrown in the mix, 'Razorback' uses the gritty, post-apocalyptic feel of the Australian outback and strategically edited, quick-cut, action scenes (that keep the questionable creature design mostly out of sight) to create an intense Creature-Feature that is still just as effective 40 years later so why hasn't it had a proper U.S. digital release?
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      YES

image


imageKill Game
One Sentence Review:
'Kill Game' has a few decent gore scenes but Writer/Director, Robert Mearns' heavy handed attempt to establish the main group of characters as 'awful people' goes a bit far & becomes annoying (we get it already, their assholes and deserve to die) and his need to create an ultra-clever script full of twists & turns, once again, goes a bit far & becomes annoying (this ain't Hitchcock, just get to the kills) and unfortunately for him, neither of those are the kind of excesses that make for a good Slasher film.
Would I Watch It?
image      NO
Would I Buy It?
image      NO

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imageBone Tomahawk
One Sentence Review:
'Bone Tomahawk' is a slow building, 132 minutes long and focuses heavily on character development so some of the ADHD of you may want to pass on the film but I really encourage the rest of you to stick with it because the action does pick up significantly toward the end and the gory climax is definitely worth the wait.
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      YES

image


imageAlligator
One Sentence TBT Review:
'Alligator' was released in 1980 with a wave of films intended to capitalize on the success of Jaws but one could easily make the argument that it's held up better, over the years, than its source of inspiration simply because of the FX and anyone who has watched 'Jaws' recently can attest that ol' Bruce ain't looking so convincing anymore but Alligator's use of mostly real reptiles, during filming, still looks great even today so combine that with a cool performance from, underrated character actor, Robert Forster and it all adds up to a really killer old creature feature. 
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      YES

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imageThe Inhabitants
One Sentence Review:
The Rasmussen brothers (Shawn & Michael) have been on my radar ever since 2013 when I saw their impressive debut, Dark Feed (a paranormal mind-melter that's dripping with atmosphere) and now, a short two years later, the boys are back and proving, with their second feature film, that they are the real deal - with the use of an amazing location (a 350 yr old, historic house in New England) as a main character, in the vein of supernatural classics such as The Changeling & The Haunting, 'The Inhabitants' masterfully builds the tension to such an uncomfortable level that it's almost a relief when the blood finally starts to fly.
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      YES

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imageScouts Guide To The Zombie Apocalypse
One Sentence Review:
If you're looking for a Horror-Comedy that breaks away from the standard, formulaic, romcom blueprint followed by most of Hollywood then SGTTZA is definitely not for you but if you just want to unplug & laugh your balls off at vulgar jokes and tasteless set pieces for 93 minutes, please, don't delay in seeking out this film.
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      YES

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imageFun Size Horror
One Sentence Review:
As with any short film anthology, 'Fun Size Horror' does contain the obligatory weak links ('A Dog & His Boy', 'Bad Eggs' & 'Bitter' stand out as being pretty bad) but out of the 22 shorts included, a large majority of them are really good and that's more than I can say for the overhyped 'ABC's Of Death' series so if you like your Horror in tasty, small bites then this is the snack bag to look for.
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      YES

image


imageThe Green Inferno
One Sentence Review:
'The Green Inferno' ain't half bad ... well, I guess, it's more like exactly half bad, almost to the minute and it's a bit confusing because the first part of the film is pretty interesting & ripe with potential but all of that goes swirling down an Amazonian river as the storyline becomes increasingly unrealistic and ridiculous culminating in one of the most frustratingly weak endings that I've seen in quite some time.
Would I Watch It?
image      NO
Would I Buy It?
image      NO

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imageThe Visit
One Sentence Review:
Despite his many misfires, I've continued to hold out hope for M. Night Shyamalan - the dude has a lot of talent which makes his recent sub-par output all the more confusing and sadly, his latest film, 'The Visit', is not the beginning of his road to redemption - shot in the found-footage format (strike one) with a tone that is a little too similar to 2014's The Taking Of Deborah Logan (strike two), M. Knight continues the trend of making really bad decisions with his movies, like including three separate, cringe inducing, scenes of Ed Oxenbould attempting to free-style rap, for example (strike three ...and out!).
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      NO

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imageKrampus: The Christmas Devil
One Sentence Review:
I bet the phrase, "Fuck it, that's good enough." was used A LOT during the making of this movie.
Would I Watch It?
image      NO
Would I Buy It?
image      NO

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imageInvoked
One Sentence Review:
'Invoked' has kind of an interesting story (although, frustratingly, the plot is never really fleshed out) and a couple somewhat creepy scenes that might get the short-hairs a' twitching but someone needs to get word to Ireland that the generic, found-footage format is completely fucking, played-out.
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      NO

image


imageIndigenous
One Sentence Review:
'Indigenous' takes its sweet time getting to the action which leaves plenty of time for character development and that's great except for the fact that said "characters" are a group of vapid, twenty-something, pretty-people who seem to be struggling with the challenges of being beautiful in their post-college lives (boo, fucking, hoo!) so by the time that the creature finally appears (literally, more than half way through the film), you will be hoping that its mouth is big enough to finish them all off in one massive, gory bite.
Would I Watch It?
image      NO
Would I Buy It?
image      NO

image


imageKrampus: The Reckoning
One Sentence Review:
Take a good long look at this DVD cover art, now picture that exact same Krampus interacting with people in a live action setting (something like this) - no joke, that's how bad it looks and it's kind of a shame because the rest of the movie isn't awful - the acting is decent and the storyline, while a lot ridiculous, didn't make me once reach for the 'stop' button but VFX this bad in 2015, there's no excuse. 
Would I Watch It?
image      NO
Would I Buy It?
image      NO

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imageUnnatural
One Sentence Review:
Sometimes bad practical FX can be just as offensive to the visual senses as CGI and the appearance of the rampaging animal in this film is pretty "unnatural" by today's standards but if you're looking for a shallow, mindless creature-feature to keep you somewhat entertained for 90 minutes, you could do a lot worse.
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      NO

image


imageDark Heritage
One Sentence TBT Review:
The basic plot of 'Dark Heritage' is pretty interesting because well, duh, it's loosely based on, the literary master, H.P. Lovecraft's The Lurking Fear so how can you go wrong but as far as the overall production goes, it suffices to say that poor H.P. hasn't stopped turning over in his grave since the invention of the direct to home video market and this film, in all its shittiness, probably had the poor guy spinning like a top.
Would I Watch It?
image      NO
Would I Buy It?
image      NO

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imageGoodnight Mommy
One Sentence Review:
'Goodnight Mommy' is extremely well made and skillfully takes its time getting to the insanity without leaving the audience bored or disinterested however the film loses major points for its unoriginal storyline that pilfers so many ideas from other movies (The Other & A Tale Of Two Sisters, to name a couple) that the surprise plot twist is completely obvious, to any seasoned Horror fan, within the first five minutes of viewing.
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      NO

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imageA Christmas Horror Story
One Sentence Review:
Don't be fooled by the appearance of William Shater's name in the credits or its ultra-lame DVD cover art because 'A Christmas Horror Story' is actually a really great Holiday anthology with nothing but solid segments (shit, even the Shat is awesome) including an incredible, last minute plot twist that elevates the film from being simply good to legendary status and makes it required viewing for any fan of seasonal Horror movies.
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      YES

image


imageThe Vatican Tapes
One Sentence Review
If you think that by sitting through the 91 minutes of painfully generic, demonic possession bullshit you will be, at some point, rewarded with seeing Olivia Dudley naked, you would be sadly mistaken - there's no award for endurance in this film, just the same ol' PG-13, hackery that we've all grown to hate.
Would I Watch It?
image      NO
Would I Buy It?
image      NO

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imageThe Mummy Lives
Periscope TBT Review

image

Would I Watch It?
image      NO
Would I Buy It?
image      NO

imageMorituris:
From Synapse Films
One Sentence Review
'Morituris' is one crazy fucking ride - part rape/revenge film, part 70's, Euro-Horror (like Wes Craven and Amando de Ossorio shat out a movie-love child together) and loaded with intense violence, gore and nudity with barely any storyline to get in the way just like the tapes your Mom wouldn't let you rent at the Video Store as a kid - it's a beautiful thing!
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      YES

image


imageDeep Dark
One Sentence Review
A talking hole in the wall - seems like a stupid premise to build a movie around, I know, however Writer/Director, Michael Medaglia is not only able to make it work 
but he turns it into a wonderfully bizarre & bloody, love story that is as slimy & gross as it is touching & tragic.
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      YES

image


image#Horror
One Sentence Review
Here is some interesting trivia: rumor has it that Abu Musab al-Zarqawi received an early draft of the '#Horror' script and was so annoyed & angered by the dialogue that takes place between the group of spoiled, twelve year old girls, that it began his ever growing disgust for Americans and that hatred would eventually manifest itself in the formation of the terrorist group known as ISIS.
Would I Watch It?
image      NO
Would I Buy It?
image      NO

image


imageRe-Kill
One Sentence Review
'Re-Kill' is your average dumb, Zombie-Action film - it's as short on depth as it is on easy to follow fight scenes (literally couldn't tell who was living and who was dying most of the time) which is a shame because its semi-original, reality-show concept could have been interesting if handled better but when it comes to low-budget, living dead movies, you could do a lot worse (A LOT!) so just try not to fixate on the ever fluctuating first-person camera angles (wait, who is holding the camera in THIS scene?!?), unplug your brain, unfocus your eyes and enjoy. 
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      NO

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image3:33 am:
The Witching Hour
One Sentence Review
At 139 minutes, '3:33 am' either has a really arrogant Director or a really awful Editor but either way, someone should have stepped in because this film's uneven combination of serious Horror & lame kindergarten humor doesn't work and watching almost 2 1/2 hours of the talently-challenged cast awkwardly delivering poorly written dialogue from within badly designed sets is far south of enjoyable.
Would I Watch It?
image      NO
Would I Buy It?
image      NO

image


imageHidden
One Sentence Review
'Hidden' is a bit too melodramatic for my taste, focusing heavily on the relationship of a couple and their child (maybe if I didn't find most parents and their children completely fucking irritating, I would have liked it more) and the shocking plot twist at the end was not so well concealed or really all that surprising but otherwise, The Duffer Brothers' (Writer/Directors, Matt & Ross Duffer) first feature film is a decent watch & it's very well made so I'll definitely keep an eye out for their next movie.
Would I Watch It?
image      YES
Would I Buy It?
image      NO

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*REVIEW ARCHIVES*